The other day I was reading through blog posts from my disordered eating days. It was hard to ignore the tremendous amount of guilt and shame I had for consuming one of my favorite treats- chocolate.
As I read through those writings, I was transported back. Transported to the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Transported back to the toxic relationship and unfulfilling job. Transported back to feeling as if my life was out of control.
The rigidity and rules I created around chocolate backfired to the point I no longer enjoyed it without feeling instantaneous shame.
I wrote about chocolate a lot during that time (14 times to be exact). I wrote about ways I was distracting myself from thinking about eating chocolate (by publishing 14 blog posts about it), ways to consume “enough” but not “too much” chocolate, ways to substitute chocolate with foods that were not chocolate, the list goes on and on.
You see, the mental and physical deprivation led me to feel out of control at the sight of chocolate.
The freeing thing about being an Intuitive Eater is that I am now able to enjoy food for it is- food. I am able to do this because I have made peace with food.
The crazy thing is- when you give yourself unconditional permission to eat the foods that held so much power over you may begin to realize it wasn’t about the food.
Making peace with food to me meant seeking out professional therapy to help guide me through feelings of isolation and loneliness. It meant saying goodbye to a relationship that was unhealthy. It meant leaving a job to pursue my passion.
Today, I am able to enjoy chocolate and move along with my day and I hope that today and every day, you can do the same.
Prepare a baking sheet with a silicone mat or parchment paper. Set aside.
Place chocolate in a clear glass bowl so that it’s easier to keep an eye on it. Microwave for one minute on high- the chocolate will look shiny. Remove from microwave and stir. Return back to microwave and for 20 seconds. Remove and stir. Continue microwave in 20-second intervals, stirring after each, until totally smooth.
Mix in pistachios and cranberries. Spread onto the prepared baking sheet. Sprinkle with coconut. Place in refrigerator for 30 minutes or freezer for 15 minutes to set. Break or cut into bark.